I went to the doctor for my 40 week exam, found out that my body is not making any progress toward labor. My doctor recommended an induction due to my non-progressive cervix and high blood pressure currently at 145 / 95. I agreed to the induction. Mainly because I understood that my body is not gearing up for labour. I already knew this. The past few weeks, I haven't felt any kind of cramping or pain or anything resembling a contraction. In fact, I wake up every morning feeling 'great" and pain free.
The doctor gave me an admittance form for the hospital. I've never been admitted to a hospital before. Its kind of scary to think of what is coming up for me...induction...c section? Me and Ben have watched all the documentaries about how induction (oxytocin) leads to c section....My imagination starts going wild with all kinds of doomsday scenarios, what if...oh no this is going to happen....So weird how our thoughts plummet into negativity so easily.
When the doctor gave me the date....it finally hit me. The baby is coming, in 4 days. That really sent me into momentary shock and panic. Wait, the day, is finally here. Part of me is terrified, part of me is overjoyed.
All these events leave me puzzled and once again I'm pondering the mysteries of God. Me and Ben have been praying for a natural childbirth. I had assumed the whole time I would naturally go into labour around 39 weeks. Since 37 weeks, we prayed every day that God would start labour. And here I am, overdue and scheduled for induction.
As of today, God didn't answer our prayers. I'm not angry or immature about it. It just reminds me that God is not a magic genie.
Reminds me that my relationship with God is "step-by-step". I have no clear road map of my life. I don't know what will happen from one day to the next. This pregnancy has thrown some curveballs at me. So, I have to adapt. Because I'm not God. I don't love and obey God because He answers my prayers. I love and obey God because He is God. I've been thinking about the Bible and the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego:
Daniel 3:17-19
If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.
I still love God, even if He does not answer my prayer for a natural childbirth.
I just imagine God, in heaven. He is able to speak one word, and this baby will come forth and God will breath life into this baby. It will all happen on His terms. It doesn't matter how much I'm impatient and freaking out. In some way, I do believe God is able to work through doctors. When I was in that exam room and the doctor recommended induction, and I agreed, I felt inner peace with that. I know my blood pressure is getting higher and I have none of the medical 'signs' that labor will start on its own.
So me and my doctor have made a decision, based on the best of our knowledge, based on the risks of my high blood pressure, overdue baby, and my lack of progress. Now I have to live with that decision, and I go on to the next step. Induction.
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