At some point, early on in my pregnancy I figured it out. OK, baby is the size of a watermelon and down there.....I can do math, its not going to fit. I think my mom finally explained it to me. OK things sometimes tear apart. Nice.
So I have 2 choices a) get mutilated and tear b) major abdominal surgery, anesthesia, and morphine, stitches and staples.
I lie awake at night crippled with fear. I've never been in a hospital and I've never had surgery. I have a blood phobia and I faint when I see blood or needles. I've never even done drugs so I don't know what will happen if I get anaesthetic or morphine.
So I am in a state of terror. Its impossible. Then I hear a quiet voice, amid the loud voice of fear roaring in my head.
"...with God, all things are possible"
One night the Spirit of God comforted me. It wasn't because of anything I did. I didn't pray for 6 hours, I didn't fast, I barely acknowledged God. He drew near to me.
All I needed, was to know that God knew how afraid I was. That took all my fears away. I found comfort in God that I couldn't find in anyone else. God knew my fears.
The all powerful Creator of the Universe, who is in control of my life, and my soul, if He knows my fears and comforts me, then I have nothing to be afraid of. If I bleed to death, or have a heart attack in childbirth, now I know Jesus will be there, and I have an eternal friend who watches over my soul. He will accept me, according to the scriptures:
John 11:25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.
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